Gates’ that are way better than Gamergate

Today sees the hotly anticipated return of the comedy article! Enjoy and remember – satire be here!


So in the aftermath of the news that Zoe Quinn has won her case against her ex-boyfriend; not her criminal case but the subsequent suit that stated the restraining order she had placed on him infringed on his human rights, I decided to chat about the whole affair – something I haven’t done up to this point.

Gamergate is (was?) a funny scandal that proclaimed to be the voice for ethical video game journalism but basically revolved around grown men (I assume) attacking prominent females in the industry. They decided the best way of achieving their “aim” was to deliver doxxing threats, death threats, rape threats, bomb threats among other things of varying severity. Many of the recipients weren’t actually journalists though – so ?!

When these women opened up about the abuse they had been receiving it become open season on them on the internet…

…hopefully we can move on from this bullshit. But it got me thinking, as a movement Gamergate has failed miserably and will achieve nothing – so here are few “gates” that have achieved much, much more. 


WatergateWhats this gate? 

The original “gate”!

What started with a routine arrest of men trying to steal documents from the Democratic National Committee (DMC) escalated into the impeachment of a president.

On June 17th 1972, 5 men broke into the DMC offices in the watergate hotel and proceeded to wiretap the phones and start stealing documents, however they were caught after a guard noticed several doors had been taped open – these men were arrested and charged.

Turns out that these guys were no ordinary robbers, they were a part of the “White House Plumbers” a group that had been set up to stop internal leaks of information and also a part of the re-elect the president campaign. While there is no evidence to suggest that Nixon knew about the break-in there is plenty to suggest that he paid these men “hush money” and then tried to get the CIA to impede the FBI’s investigation into his role in the whole thing.

The whole thing leads to Nixon resigning from office and entering “-gate” into the global lexicon.

Better than #gamergate? This “gate” pisses all over Gamergate for results!

Gareth Gates

Gareth Gate

What’s this gate?

Gareth Gates came from nowhere to come second in the original series of ITV’s hugely successful TV show “Pop Idol”.

His looks and adorable stutter led him to capture the hearts of the nation’s teenage girl market and he went on to have a semi-successful pop career, featuring 2 stints over 7 years. Selling 3.5 million albums and sporting 4 number one hits – Gareth Gates was a great success.

He also had a short career on London’s West End and starred in 3 major productions including ‘Joseph and the amazing Technicolour dreamcoat’. Fair play Gareth!

Better than #gamergate? Yes!


Stargate What’s this gate?

Only the longest running TV Sci-Fi show ever! This show ran from 1997 to 2007  and spanned 214 episodes, which was also a record until Smallville and Supernatural both outstayed their welcome.

SG1 also made the super shit 1994 movie somewhat relevant with superior plot lines, enemy realization and tone – mixing humour, drama and sci-fi almost seamlessly.

When the TV was cancelled it was still popular – it even spawned a popular spinoff called ‘Stargate: Atlantis’ which itself spawned 5 seasons and aired between 2004 and 2009.

Better than all this, ‘Stargate’ is one of my mates favourite TV show ever! So there’s that!

Better than #gamergate? According to my mate and Dad,  a resounding YES!

A Stair Gate


What’s this gate?

Basically it’s a gate that fixes to wall at the top and bottom of your stairs (they are sold in pairs!) and they stop your small child from falling down the stairs. In turn saving them from severe injury or worse!

Stair gates are an absolute necessity in any home with children. They aren’t sexy and they certainly aren’t cool, I’ve walked into ours loads of times in the middle of the night/early morning. But they are super important and they give you peace of mind – and that is something worth more than anything else.

Better than #gamergate? Considering gamergate has not saved any lives and these have saved literally millions – fuck yes!

Can you think of any other gates that are much better than Gamergate?

Share them in the comments for all to see!



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