I’m sure everyone has heard of piggate, the scandal that is rocking Westminster to its foundations. David Cameron (allegedly) put his wee-wee into a dead pigs mouth while he was at university.
Let’s just say I’m glad he did this act during his time before he was Prime Minister, it’s one thing I don’t want to be “in this together” at all!
Crazy stuff indeed, I mean, what did the pig do to deserve that?
Perhaps the pig was working class, Cameron and the tories are used to fucking those guys over. Anyhoo, here’s a short list of gaming pigs Cameron could defile, if he was into that of course!
Fang Boar (Dark Souls)
In the wake of ’50 shades of Grey’ there was a massive surge in the sales of fluffy handcuffs and whips in Ann Summers (I wish I was making this up). Every married couple in the world was indulging in some kinky shenanigans with their loved one; sadomasochism is officially in.
Where does this leave the man who loves swine? Well it leaves the fang boar, Mr Cameron could bring his heaviest whip and this pig would love it! Heavily armoured and guaranteed to bring a good time for all involved!
This is truly the 50th shade of pig!
Pey’j (beyond Good and Evil)
As I said in the intro, nothing gets Mr Cameron’s motor running more than the chance to screw over the poor and working class…
…except a swine that is part of this societal class!
Pey’j maybe his perfect partner! Sure he’s gruff, but he’s also a skilled mechanic and engineer who specialises in machinery – imagine the fun Mr Cameron, Fang Boar and Pey’j could have in a seedy hotel late at night in an October evening!
Bad Piggies (Angry Birds)
Why these guys I hear you ask?
Well a number of reasons exist to explain why Cameron would “love” these guys;
- There’s a whole race of these things, male pigs, old pigs, young pigs and presumably female pigs.
- They are super cute.
- One of them is wearing a crown, that means royalty, which in turn means money, money can back the Conservative party!
It’s a menage a trois of good reasons to pork a piggy! He’d be a fool to not do this!
Pig Cops (Duke Nukem)
With the current refugee crisis ongoing in Europe at the moment, it’d be very easy for David Cameron to set up a large refugee camp for these swine-based aliens-cum-refugees.
After Duke Nukem kicked them out of America they had nowhere else to go.
Just because Duke kicked them out of America doesn’t mean Cameron would kick them out of the UK (or his bed)! He could use them as he saw fit, and send them packing when he is done with them.
These guys have had a hard time recently.
We have arrived here, the lowly pig from minecraft, David Cameron would be right at home here, this pig is the closest we’ve gotten to a normal pig (and we know how he feels about everyday pigs)!
Nothing breeds arousal like familiarity!
The best part? Well, when he’s done he can hack it into porkchops and eat it – or put that food stuff into the cycle eaten by poor/working class people (can anyone say Iceland Porkchops?).
We have received a message from the Prime Minister! A Picture message about what he thinks of our choices…
What did you make of the Prime Minister porking a pig?
What video game or pop-culture pig could he ease his urges with?
Tell me in the comments below!