Worst Parents in Video Games

To celebrate my becoming a parent (that’s right, Lil Luvva has arrived!) I thought I’d cure any of my worries about being a parent by looking at some that are truly terrible!

These guys, and they are all men (where’s the equality police?), should not be parents! They lack the basic skills required to   successfully bring a child into adulthood. Sometimes they are aggressive, unqualified or just plain abusive…no matter what, social services should’ve stepped in long ago.


EthanMars

“Maybe my son would like this as a Christmas gift.”

Ethan Mars (Heavy Rain) – This guy is a terrible father! Sure he goes on a quest to save his son from a deranged serial killer but let’s examine how he gets to that point.

1. He loses his son TWICE within 2 minutes! TWICE! Let that sink in for a second…I’m not saying that a momentary lapse of concentration = bad father I’m saying not learning from mistakes does! Of course this leads to a death and Ethan with only one child.
2. Whom he becomes estranged from and through a mix of self isolation and self-torture becomes a negligent dad! So much so a killer decides to show him how lucky he is he has a child!

3. On his quest to rescue his son he becomes more interested in banging a reporter. Father of the fucking year!

Heiachi

Heihachi Mishima (Tekken) – I’ve talked about this guy before, but here we have a father who throws his son, first, off a cliff and then into an active volcano. Call me presumptuous but I doubt we’ll see Heihachi on the Queens honours list for Services to Parenthood!

Why does he do this? I hear you scream. Well, in Tekken the whole reason behind the cliff throw is…wait for it…. to toughen up his son! Seriously! He wants his son to be tough so he attempts to murder him! Jesus Christ Heihachi!

The reason for the Volcano toss? Because his son is too tough! Well yeah Heihaci! Seems legit reason to kill (or at least try to) your son – talk about heavy-handed parenting! Dayum!

Bowser

Bowser (Mario) – Yeah, yeah, I know he’s the koopalings uncle – but who’s their dad? Huh? That’s right, he’s the closest thing to a dad that they’ll ever know!

Which makes it even more harrowing when you think of the level of abuse he puts them through. He uses their love and trust against them and pits them against his mortal enemy – the guy who put him down! He effectively sends them to die for him!

Dick!

Do you think these guys deserve to be parents?

Should they be neutered to stop any further procreation?

Let us know in the comments below!

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One thought on “Worst Parents in Video Games

  1. Congrats on lil’ Luvva! 😀 Make him/her into an excellent gamer (and secondly into a scholar/athlete/citizen etc… right? Is that the correct priorities?).

    I’d say neuter those on your list 😀 They have made their mistakes, but being as stupid as they are, it’s safe to consider neutering them to prevent more mistakes as I’m pretty sure they’d never learn.

    Like

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