Children in Need: Most annoying children characters in video games

On Saturday we celebrated Children in Need by looking at our favourite video game children. We got some stick for not including Ellie (The Last of Us), but we stand by our list. Today we will look at children who are a giant pain in the arse! These children are certainly in need…of a personality transplant.


Please don’t help the following kids…

Ladies and gentlemen, these kids damn near ruined the games they appeared in, let us introduce gaming’s most annoying children.

 4) Katie ( Dead Rising 2)


Look at her! Everything about Katie is incredibly annoying! Her design, her voice, her predicament! EVERYTHING! God I hate Katie! In trying to make me feel sympathy for their protagonist; Capcom tried to make ‘Chuck’ into the traditional tragic hero with a noble cause, helping his innocent daughter.

Unfortunately they overdid everything. In an attempt to create motivation for Chuck to persevere with the walking dead in Las Vegas they created on of the most annoying kids in history. Her voice actor has went past innocent child and plunged straight into parody; her character is unlikable, her attire is an Eastern approximation of a Western child; everything about her grates; and it accumulates to create an utterly unlikable character.

No-one likes escort missions, right? Well Dead Rising 2 is built upon that premise.  ARGH!

In fairness; Katie is rarely seen during Dead Rising, but when she shows her zombie-like exterior and talks with that ‘sweet-than-thou’ voice it makes me cringe, plus she always asks really stupid questions and is zero help!

Fuck it Chuck; cut your loses and get out of there!

3) Baby Mario (Yoshi’s Island)

Baby Mario

When i’m not crying…i’ll be throwing the blue shell at you! Arsehole!

Baby Mario the only annoying kid to appear in more than one game (on this list anyway) and it makes him even more annoying to me! Let’s take ‘Yoshi’s Island’ first; it’s a fricking escort mission in a challenging 2D platformer guise…you can see where this is going I’m sure!

Second; this guy would do your head in when he fell off your back (and he did this a LOT)! Fair enough you say, he’s a baby and that’s what those things do…they cry…but let us listen to its annoyingly high pitch and incessant nature:

It’s doing my head in! And that’s a bug in which all he does is cry…Sweet Zombie Jesus! that’s my idea of hell!

Second game he is in is ‘Mario Kart’ and this little wanker seems to be a blue shell aficionado; he will repeatedly shove a blue shell up your arse and laugh about it in his pram kart! Little prick! I HATE BABY MARIO!

2) Sean/Jason (Heavy Rain)

Sean jason kids

Daddy, do you love us? Do we annoy you?

These two kids are absolute morons, they are badly behaved, badly animated, badly voiced and just absolute cocks!

Like ‘Dead Rising 2’ the biggest mistake Quantic Dreams made was trying to create sympathy and over-cooking it.

If we  take them individually we have Jason; a wee prick of a boy who demands that his Dad play with him while he’s trying to work; then he demands that his Dad buy him a balloon from the world’s worst clown; then finally he fucks off while you pay for it. This miscalculation from the boy wonder eventually ends up with him being run over – cue tears of sadness – from no-one ever! No real person missed this little douchebag; just thinking about this little prick boils my blood.

What about Sean though? Well that little prick is a condescending and judgemental! What a little wanker!

When he got kidnapped I cheered with joy because he was such a little arsehole. A little part of me wanted to ignore that grate at the end of the game…damn my inherently good demeanour.

Perhaps their worst crime is the emotional and physical torture they indirectly inflict upon their dad…who is a genuinely likable dude (even though he found time to have sex with a reporter he’d just met; when he was supposed to be locating said kidnapped kid).

I suppose they did inspire the best youtube parody video ever!

1) Sherry (Resident Evil 2)

Sherri birkin bitch

Hi i’m a useless little bitch whose Dad will hunt us down time and time again!

This fucking character is what inspired this article! My GOD she’s a pain in the ass! Let’s start at the beginning; she’ll spent an inordinate amount of time ‘randomly bumping’ into you (she was surely following you) then running away from you.

Next up her Dad (who is a biologically-altered super being btw) will start to stalk and attack you! Next you’ll have to control this little defenseless bitch for a little, finally she’ll follow you around until you showdown with her dad…dare you move more than two steps away from her though and she’ll sit down; regardless of the danger in the room; she’ll die if you move too far away!

This kid is a giant pain in the ass and she is fucking useless! GOD SHERRY! WHY CAN’T I JUST LEAVE YOU TO DIE!?!?!

Man I hate this kid!

She is quite literally more hassle than she is worth; as good as Resi 2 is this girl damn near ruins it in places!  FU SHERRY!

There we have it guys! Our list of the most annoying kids in video game history, note how most of them appear in an escort mission/game – take note developers; these parts suck!

Do you have a rational hate towards any kids in video games?

Have we left that kid off our list?

Flame us in the comment section below!

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