The 6 types of gamer you’ll always come across in the online arena

Playing through the Destiny BETA has reminded us at LuvvaLuvva Towers™ of a few things we love about playing in the online arena…however it has also reminded us of a few of the things that we hate about it too. To celebrate the overwhelming success of the BETA let us introduce you to the online gamers you’ll meet in every game.

The stoic one

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Whether these guys have mics are not they choose not to use them. The stoic ones remain silent…these guys are a mixed bag, sometimes they are awesome to have as team mates – mercilessly & silently murdering all before them or silently and mercilessly being murdered. You’ll never know what they are doing, and often you’ll forget they’re there until you see their name on the left hand side of the screen. They believe in the phrase better seen than heard; if only all gamers believed in this…

The angry one

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I know, I know; sometimes we can all lose our shit and scream obscenities at the screen, especially at the MLG one (we’ll get to him) who has been kicking our sorry ass all round. However the angry ones are ALWAYS angry; when they kill you they’ll scream down their mic, when they get killed by you they’ll scream down the mic. Often-times many will confuse the angry one for the young one…

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No! not those guys; the angry ones are never worth having on your team; they are too emotionally driven and seemingly hit the self-destruct on their (and by extension your team’s) chance of winning rather quickly. If you find yourself in the presence of an angry one; do yourself a favour and mute them!

The lone wolf

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Capture the flag…working together is a must; so lets go straight to C and captur…whats that guy doing? Hello? We’re going to…he’s gone…now he’s killing guys…why is he doing this?

This; my friends, is the lone wolf, he don’t need you and your poxy ‘co-operation’ he’ll own noobs all day long! Capture the flag? Nah mate i’ll do that; but not with you or your team! Shove it!

Lone wolves are a strange breed, they have skills for days, but they prefer to go it solo. Begs the question why are they online? So they can tell you what you’re doing wrong…that’s why!

Lone wolves can be useful to have on your team, but when it’s VIP and they’re the VIP sometimes you wish they’d just listen and follow you.

The MLG one

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If you’re lucky, in your game there will only be one of these guys, if your unlucky; there’ll be a team! The dead giveaway is the fact that their names all follow a formula (MrMan, MrM4n, Mr_Mann etc.) or they have a clan tag…beware the MLG guy.

These guys play this game A LOT! No matter how good you think you are, these guys are better! They have initimate knowledge of every map and will use that to traverse their way to smashing your face in. Over. And over. And over. And when you beg for mercy, they’ll mock you in the post match lobby. Simply put these guys are good. Damn good.

If you have this guy on your team…ooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhh yeah!

The clueless one

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These guys are noobs; and they have probably never played a game before…well judging by the questions they ask and how they play games. That…or they have literally just landed from a planet that has no videogames; you have two decisions to make.

1) Train them like your padawan and create the ultimate killing machine or

2) Ignore them and let them learn by doing.

The choice they say; is up to you. Hopefully this guy/girl is in the opposite team, they’re good for improving your K/D ratio, if you care about that.

The online general

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“LETS GO TO CONTROL POINT B!”

“CONTROL THAT CHOKE POINT!”

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”

“USE YOUR GRENADES!”

These guys are always there, they’ll tell you what to do, when to do it, and who to do it to! They make Ubisoft ‘gameplay’ demos look realistic with their pseudo military terminology. These guys do know their shit and a lot of their advice is sound. If only they would stop shouting EVERYTHING!

Have we forgotten your favourite/most hated type of online player?

Tell us in the comments who we’ve forgotten.

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2 thoughts on “The 6 types of gamer you’ll always come across in the online arena

  1. U forgot the dramaqueen with no real life who is in game only to take out all her shit on u to feel better. Worst case u have her on your back 24/7 and end up creating an alt on another shard to get away from her rage whispers ^^

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    • Lol, yeah that player! They are the reason I stopped playing MMORPGs, they’d follow you all day bitching, then they’d hog all the loot and disappear only to do it all again! Infuriating; I always resorted to PKing them, going red for a day was a small price to play for peace and quiet!

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